Broken Strings
by Svart Jasmin
Summary: Different backgrounds, arranged marriages. No happily ever after.


**Tuesday, December 28** **th** **, 2008**

I can't believe it.

I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

I can't believe I'm standing here, in the middle of this church, watching him getting married to someone else.

 _ **Flashback – Monday, June 9**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2008**_

 _What the fuck have I done?_

 _That's the only question that is running through my mind as I walk away from the school, where I just had my first interview, was offered my first job ever, and signed my first contract of employment._

 _For the last 4 years, I knew that the first job I was likely to find with my English Lit degree would be that of a teacher. But for the last 4 years, I promised myself that I would never work as a teacher. Not that I have anything against them, far from it, I have all respect for them, I just never imagined myself as one._

 _I guess now I will find out how it feels to be a teacher, because I just signed a contract to become an English teacher for a KG class._

 _The sound of my phone ringing breaks my train of thoughts, and as I pull the phone from the back pocket of my pants, I realize that I don't recognize the number glaring back at me from the screen._

 _For a second, I contemplate not answering, but since today is the day of surprises, I press the accept button and hold the phone against my ear._

" _What are you doing walking out of Seattle Public?" the voice asks from the other end of the line, and I quickly look around, wondering who is watching me._

" _Who's this?" I ask, glad that it's still early and that there are a lot of people around._

 _No chance of kidnapping here._

" _Don't you remember me?" he asks, and that's when I finally recognize the voice, just as a car slows down beside me. I chance a look inside the car, and I find him sitting behind the steering wheel, smiling at me._

" _Hey!" I say with my own smile as I put my phone back in my pocket. "What are you doing here?"_

" _I was running an errand down the street. What are you doing here?"_

" _I just had an interview at Seattle Public." I say, and even as I say the words, I still can't believe that I will be working there come August._

" _How did it go?"_

" _Well, I guess it went well. I'm starting in August, with the beginning of the new academic year." I say with a roll of my eyes, just as a car honks from behind his car._

" _Jump in. I'll drive you wherever you're going." He says as looks in the rearview mirror._

" _Oh, thanks, but I'm sure you have other things to do."_

" _I actually don't." He says and reaches over to open the door for me. "Hop in."_

 _I look at him for a second longer, then he smiles at me, and with that, I know that my resolve is lost, and I simply climb in the car with a smile of my own._

 _ **End Flashback**_

If I had known I would end up here back then, I would have never gotten in the car with him that fateful June afternoon.

If I had known that he would end up breaking my heart like no one before him did, I would have told him to fuck off.

If I had known that I could never bring myself to hate him, even after all that he has done to me; I would have never picked up the damn phone.

If I had known that I would fall so hard for him, then I wouldn't have even gone to the god damn interview!

I take a deep breath to stop myself from crying in the middle of the church. I'm not here to make a scene. I'm not here to beg him to call the wedding off. I'm not here to ask him to forget about her and take me back.

To be totally honest with myself, I don't know why I'm here.

Am I such a glutton for punishment that I want to watch him get married? Am I such a masochist?

Maybe I just want to make sure that he's truly happy. That this is really what he wants.

"Hey." A sympathetic voice says from behind me, and when I turn around, I find his sister standing there with a sad look on her face. "What are you doing here?"

"He invited me." I say with a shrug and look away from her, not wanting to drown in the sympathy seeping from her pores.

"Oh sweetie." She says and quickly wraps her arms around me, and I struggle to keep my tears at bay.

"Is he happy?" I ask once we pull apart, and she only sighs and shrugs at me.

"My parents are going to flip if they see you here." She says and pulls me to sit.

"That's why I'm hiding back here."

"You really shouldn't be here, sweetie." She says and reaches to touch my hand. "I don't know why he invited you in the first place."

"I don't know either, but he did, and I'm here." I say with a shrug. I see here tense in front of me, then she suddenly excuses herself and leaves me alone, sitting towards the back of the church.

I take another deep breath in a lame attempt to calm myself down.

Maybe I should leave.

Just as I start to make up my mind about leaving, his sister comes to me again and immediately holds my hand.

"He wants to talk to you."

I feel my world freeze as I hear her words, and I simply shake my head at her.

"Please." She begs as she wipes away a stray tear. "Both of you need to talk, even if it's for one last time. Hear him out."

"I can't."

"Please." She begs again.

For a long minute, I just stare at her. Do I owe him that? Or do I owe it to myself to hear him out? I've already heard him out enough, and even with all his excuses and explanations, I still can't bring myself to hate him.

I can't bring myself to stop loving him.

As if my body has a mind of its own, I feel myself nod at her, making her sigh in relief before she drags me away to one of the back rooms of the church.

 _ **Flashback – July 14**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2008**_

" _What are we doing?" I ask as we lay in bed after making love for the first time. "There's no future for us."_

" _Says who?" He asks as he props himself on his elbow and looks down at me. He traces my naked abdomen with the tip of his finger, making my skin break in goosebumps at that simple touch._

" _Our families would never allow us to take things further." I say with a sigh. "We come from different backgrounds, different religions."_

" _Fuck what everyone thinks." He swears and sits up. "I love you, and I don't care who I have to stand up against to have you forever."_

" _It's not possible!"_

" _Nothing is impossible." He counters back, and I can't help but smile at how stubborn he is. "I will marry you, even if it's the last thing I will ever do in my life."_

 _ **End Flashback**_

I guess that was just another promise that he broke. But even with all the promises he broke, even with all the hurt he caused me, I still can't bring my heart to hate him.

His sister leaves me in one of the back rooms alone, and for a second, I contemplate making a run for it. Then I think against it, and take yet another deep breath. I move to the window, looking out at the soft snow that's falling.

I wish I could hold my heart out. Maybe the snow will be able to freeze it. Maybe then, I'll stop hurting as much as I am now.

How did we get here?

Well, that's a stupid question of me to ask. I know how we got here. I know exactly who got us here.

The better question to ask is how did we allow ourselves to get here?

 _ **Flashback – September 9**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2008**_

" _Are you ok?" I ask as soon as he walks through the door of my apartment._

 _He lets a string of curses fall from his lips as he paces the floor of my living room, and I stand back, fully knowing that I need to let him be before I can actually get answers from him._

" _What happened?" I ask after he's gone silent for a long minute._

" _They refused." He says, and I feel my heart sink._

 _He told his parents about us today, and judging by the looks of him, I can say that things didn't go well._

" _They threatened to disown me, to cut me off if we went through with it." He says and tugs at his hair._

 _I feel my heart sink even more. He worships his family, his parents. He owes them his life. He's always been proud to be their son._

 _Now they want him to choose._

 _Fuck._

 _ **October 2**_ _ **nd**_ _ **, 2008**_

" _Dad has cancer." He tells me, and I feel my world freeze. "Stage 4, liver."_

" _Oh my God!" I gasp, fully knowing what that means._

 _His chances of survival are slim to none._

 _Fuck._

" _The doctors think there's no point in having him go through treatment. It's only going to weaken him more. They say it's best to let him live the remaining few months peacefully."_

" _Oh my God!" I gasp again and wrap my arms around him. As soon as his head touches my shoulder, he breaks down in open sob._

" _I'm going to lose my dad." He sobs. "I'm going to lose my hero."_

" _I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." I whisper against his head, not knowing what else to say._

 _ **November 6**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2008**_

 _Who the hell is he talking to?_

 _I've been trying to call him for the last two hours, and his line is busy. What the flying fuck?_

 _I hold the phone and try calling him again, probably for the 100_ _th_ _time, but now he doesn't pick up._

 _I call him again, and again, and again, and he still doesn't pick up._

 _What if something happened to his father?_

 _I hope nothing is wrong._

 _My heart is sinking with worry, and I keep calling, but still, he's not picking up._

 _I can't call his sister. She's away on a business trip and I don't want her to worry, especially if nothing serious is going on._

 _4 hours later, my phone finally rings, and I sigh in relief when I see his name flashing back at me from the screen._

" _Are you ok?" I ask without even bothering to say hello. "You got me worried sick."_

" _I was sleeping." He simply says, and I sink in my seat at hearing that._

" _You were sleeping?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Who were you talking to before that?" I ask, and I can already tell that this phone call is not going to end in a nice way. "I tried calling you for two hours but your line was busy."_

" _Someone must've been using my phone. I've been sleeping for the past 4 hours." He says, and I feel my heart break with every lie he says._

 _No one ever uses his phone._

 _No one._

" _Someone must've been using your phone." I state rather than ask._

" _Yes."_

" _Are you sure you're going to stick with that story?" I ask, my tone now ice-cold. "At least give me the courtesy of telling a believable lie. Don't take me for a fool."_

" _I'm not lying."_

" _Call me back when you decide to tell me the truth." I say and hang up, not bothering to say anything else._

 _ **November 9**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2008**_

 _It's been three days, and he still hasn't called me back. I contemplated calling him a couple of times, but I refused to let myself stoop that low._

 _He acts as if I don't know him as much as I do, and if there's one thing I can't tolerate, is being taken for a fool._

 _My phone suddenly rings, and I quickly reach for it, hoping it's finally him, apologizing for whatever reason made him lie._

 _However, looking at the blinking screen, I realize that it's my best friend calling instead._

" _Hello?"_

" _Has he called you?" She asks, fully aware of what happened a few days ago._

" _Not yet." I say, and I hear her take a deep breath from the other end of the line._

" _Have you checked his Facebook profile lately?" She asks, and I raise my eyebrows at her weird question._

" _No, I haven't." I say. "You know I don't do that internet stalking you're very fond of."_

" _Check it while I'm on the phone." She says, and by the tone of her voice, my heart sinks._

" _What are you not telling me?" I ask even as I fire up my laptop and quickly search out his name. She doesn't answer me, and I feel my heart drop further, then I feel the world around me freeze as his page loads up and his profile picture pops up._

 _It's a picture of himself with another girl, both dressed to the nines._

 _I look at the information underneath the picture, and what I read makes me sick to my stomach._

" _No." I say, refusing to believe what I see. "Not like this. No."_

 _My eyes don't leave the screen as I read his latest over and over._

 _It's right there in black and white._

 _Relationship status: Engaged._

" _I'm sorry…" My best friends starts to say, but I hang up before she gets the chance to say anything else._

 _My vision goes blurry, and I realize it's because I'm crying._

 _I hold my phone and open the text app, then I pull out his number and type up a one worded message._

 _Congratulations._

 _I then break down in open sobs._

 _ **November 23**_ _ **rd**_ _ **, 2008**_

 _Why won't he stop calling me?_

 _It's almost midnight, and my phone has been ringing nonstop for the past hour, and it's always him. I refuse to answer him. I will not put myself through any more humiliation._

 _After another half an hour of constant ringing, I finally give up and answer._

" _I'm so so so sorry!" He slurs as soon as he hears my hello._

" _You're drunk." I state._

" _Yes. Yes, I am." He slurs again. "It's the only thing that numbs the pain."_

" _What do you want?"_

" _To explain."_

" _There's no explanation needed." I lie._

" _They made me do it." He says, and I can't help but roll my eyes. "He said it's his death wish to see me married, and they flat out refused us getting married. You have to believe me. I don't want her. I only want you."_

" _You don't have me anymore."_

" _I know." He says and he breaks down crying, breaking my heart along with him. "I know, and I will never forgive myself for doing this to you. I will never forgive them for forcing me into this."_

" _You could've said no."_

" _I couldn't!" He yells. "He's dying. He doesn't have much longer to live. He wants to see me married before he dies."_

" _I see." I lie again. I don't, I don't understand._

 _I never will be able to understand._

" _I love you."_

" _Don't."_

" _I do."_

" _You don't get to say those words anymore." I grit. "You better tell them to your fiancée."_

" _I hate her!" He yells again. "I only love you. It will only be you."_

" _Good bye." I say before I hang up, and for the millionth time since I learned about his engagement, I break down in sobs._

 _ **End Flashback**_

I feel him before I hear him; that electric current that charges the air whenever he's close is still present, and it breaks my heart even more to realize that we still have that connection.

"You shouldn't have come." He says, and I can tell by the tone of his voice that he's barely holding himself back.

"You invited me."

"I didn't." He says, and that makes me turn around to face him. What I see makes me gasp. He's as handsome as he ever was, wearing that damned tux that I got him for his birthday a few months ago, but it's like I'm looking at a different man. His eyes are brimmed red, and he has black bags under them. He looks tired.

He looks heartbroken.

"My mother is the one who sent the invitations." He says as he runs his hand through his hair, and I have to hold myself back because I want to run my hands through his hair. Even if it was for one last time. "I guess it's her way of giving you the finger one last time."

"Gotta love your mom, huh?" I ask, but I can't bring myself to look away from him. It's like he holds my eyes hostage, just like he holds my heart, my soul, my life.

Just like he holds me hostage.

"I didn't know she invited you. If I did, I would've asked you not to come. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve any of this."

"I must've done something in a past life to deserve it. Why would this happen otherwise?"

"Please, don't say that." He begs and take a step towards me, making me take a step back. "You're the most beautiful soul I have ever met in my life."

"Whatever makes you sleep at night." I say with a shrug, making him sigh.

"I'm sorry."

"You've already said that."

"I can't say it enough."

"It doesn't change anything."

"Do you hate me?" He asks after a moment of silence. "You should hate me."

"I know I should, but I can't." I say as a traitor tear escapes my eye. "I don't think I'll ever be able to hate you."

"I still lo…" He starts to stay, but I cut him off.

"Don't finish that sentence! Don't you dare finish it." I snap at him, and for a second, I'm surprised by the amount of venom in my tone. "You don't get to tell me how you feel."

"I'm sorry!"

"Stop saying that too!"

"What do you want me to say?" He yells and strides towards me, making me back away until I'm trapped between him and the wall. "I hate my parents for forcing me into this. I hate myself for not having the strength to stand against them. I hate you for making me fall in love with you so hard that I can barely breathe."

"I didn't ask you to fall in love with me. I didn't ask to for in love with you either." I whisper, barely able to speak. His proximity is intoxicating, and I can feel my heart beating against my chest. "We knew things would never work out between us. We shouldn't have allowed ourselves to dream."

Before I know what's happening, I feel him crash his lips against mine, and I whimper at the feeling.

Oh how I missed this. How I missed his kisses.

How I missed his love.

How I missed him.

But he's not mine anymore.

He'll never be mine again.

I push him away from me, and I'm shocked to find tears streaming down his face.

"Don't break my heart more than it's already broken. Please." I beg as I try to step away from him, but he pulls me against him, and wraps his arms around me in a crushing hug.

"Get me out of here. Please." He begs, and I freeze at his desperate tone.

"I can't."

Just then, we hear a knock on the door, and then we hear his brother telling him that it's time.

"You should go." I say as I wipe away my own tears. "Your bride must be waiting for you."

"Please leave." He says as he runs his fingers over my cheek, and I instinctively lean towards his hand. "You don't have to watch this."

"I'm already here."

"You can still leave."

"I won't." I say, making him growl in frustration.

Another knock sounds against the door, making him step away from me. He looks at me for the longest time before he walks towards the door, and just as he reaches for the handle, he looks at me over his shoulder.

"I'll always love you, never doubt that."

With that, he leaves the room, leaving me back with my shattered heart.


End file.
